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Olympic legacy threatened by plans to return East End to crime-blighted slum
London Mayor Boris Johnson has sparked controversy with a plan to demolish the Olympic stadium immediately after the end of the 2012 Olympics to make way for a derelict wasteland for petty criminals...
View ArticleInmate says prison saved him from life as a professional footballer
Speaking from Wormwood Scrubs today, Dean Mullins revealed that if it wasn’t for an aptitude for armed robberies, he may have had to make do with life as a Premiership footballer. After a promising...
View ArticleAllardyce signs tree as stand-in for Andy Carroll
West Ham boss Sam Allardyce has moved to calm fears that his side might struggle with on loan talisman Andy Carroll out injured and insists he has the perfect replacement for the big man – a huge tree....
View ArticleWest Ham supporters to spice up Muslim rioters’ chants
Fresh controversy has erupted in the Middle East with news that English football supporters have been brought in as consultants to help Muslim rioters develop better chants to use while protesting...
View ArticleTaxpayers to pay the emotional cost of supporting West Ham
Having cunningly negotiated a reduced rental cost for the Olympic Stadium, the long-suffering ‘Hammers’ are expecting other football fans to proportionately share the ‘anguish of their mediocrity’....
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Dissolved monasteries rebuilt in Trafalgar Square
Having defeated ISIS by recreating Palmyra’s ‘Arch of Triumph’ in London, the UK is considering a reconstruction of other ancient landmarks destroyed by religious extremists. First on the list are 800...
View ArticleUndercover HMRC official played over 200 times for West Ham
In what is believed to be the first ‘deep cover’ operation perpetrated by Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs Agency, an official has been confirmed to have played over 5 full seasons for the club,...
View ArticleManuel Pelligrini wakes up from mugging to find himself managing West Ham
Chilean football coach Manuel Pellegrini has woken up badly bruised and beaten, and found he had been robbed of all his dignity after being appointed the new manager of West Ham. Pellegrini said he was...
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